Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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