Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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