Sry I called you an 8
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize