names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
