you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
