i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
