please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
