I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
