He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
