When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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