dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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