his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
