Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize