If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
