i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
