1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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