You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize