So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I could fuck to npr.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
