that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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