they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
