we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
