North Korea, Best Korea!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I did not marry a roomba.
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