i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize