need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
