Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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