I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So here I am, sexting at work.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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