it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
