I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
