I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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