He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize