I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
