Quick, to the slutcave!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
