i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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