u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
too bad you live with your parents still
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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