Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
