I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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