Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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