Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
