miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
where are my eyebrows?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
