Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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