Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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