she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
