Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
