I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
