I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
