somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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