I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
