I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
