new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
