I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
