He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
