I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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