i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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