4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
