There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
