I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
