i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
