I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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