you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
