dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
