i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
