Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize