he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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