you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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