you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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