Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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