The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
