I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize