I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
