Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
home. puking in laundry basket.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize