For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He felt like a one man threesome
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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