Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
