Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Randomize
