I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
