Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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