fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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