i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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