They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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