Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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