I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
