i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
